October’s out, November’s new

Waves at the end of the tunnel, an open invitation to sink or swim.

The light at the end of the tunnel is almost here: law school final exam season. In about a month, I’ll sit down for three three-hour exams, and I’ll get to enjoy being graded on a curve with the rest of my classmates. The reality is, despite knowing that everyone wants to be an A+ student, only 10% of us are going to get to be that student. The rest of us get to settle down to, well, the rest of the curve.

I’ve been trying not to think about it. I’ve been trying to tell myself that everything will turn out fine. After getting my first midterm grade, though, my confidence has been thoroughly shaken. Not that I was expecting to do amazing, but I really was not prepared for how poorly I performed.

My goal wasn’t to become into a crazy jerk. Somehow, though, this process seems to only encourage that inner nature, and I am not really sure how to proceed going forward. I know that I did terribly, and I sort of know why after looking at the sample answers for what were good answers. I’m trying to maintain some sort of life balance, but I’m not sure how to proceed now, because I thought I was doing ok. I’d have been happy if I had done ok with the amount of effort I’ve been putting in, but I don’t know where or what else to cut to make more time. There are only 24 hours in a day, after all.

Deep down somewhere, I know that what really matters is passing the BAR exam three years from now, and becoming a practicing attorney. That’s the end goal, that’s why I jumped into this pool in the first place. It just feels like right now, I’m going through a dark tunnel looking for light, and I’ve come upon it only discover I’ll have to face the ocean to get to where I’m trying to go. It’s sink or swim, and I feel like no matter how well prepared I am, I’m going to drown.

Drown in disappointment because no matter what, my best efforts don’t seem to be enough.

What are your thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s