Where did the year go?

Somehow it’s almost the middle of December, and it feels like only yesterday this year began. It’s also somehow almost the end of law school for me, too. This should make me happy, but instead I am even more worried than when I started this venture.

It’s almost the end, and I don’t know where to begin. Common wisdom would hold that I should be elated and looking forward to the end, but instead I am coming to terms with a reality that does not seem any brighter than when I started law school. Sure, I’ve learned how to draft some legal documents and I suppose I have a better understanding of how to do legal research, but I have no job prospects in sight and I am getting no closer to passing the MPRE.

I cannot practice in California until I pass both the MPRE and the Bar. It’s been difficult grappling with the process of preparing to take the MPRE (which a lot of people blow off because it’s supposed to be easy) over and over again, because I just feel so ashamed for not getting it the first time. Or the second time. We’ll see if maybe third time’s the charm next year.

Or maybe I should just give up with bothering to go forward with this legal career now, because if I can’t get the “easy” MPRE right, what hope should I have to pass the Bar? I find it harder and harder to look at myself in the mirror and believe I look like a lawyer. Maybe the legal field is not for me, and I’ve been trying to force my way to be something that isn’t in God’s will. When is it time to recognize that a failure is defining you, and so you should give up and do anything else?

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